2011 Was Great … But 2012 Might Trump It

Some memories from the past year:

Okay, alright…

So when exactly are we going to pick up where we left off?

It’s been a while, yes.
Okay, a long while.

… but something always brings me back to you, and you to me.

We’ve both searched high and low, but came up empty handed.

We hid behind excuses, had our moments of darkness … but never a week passed that one of us saw through to the light.

“I’m sorry” … the words we’ve used too much to patch up the unecessaries – fights we wouldn’t have had if we weren’t apart.

It’s ridiculous when you really look at it, our push and pull.

I can’t shake the feeling that this is what a soulmate is, if such a thing exists … I’m just not so sure about what that means.

Of course, there is an off-chance that I’m full of shit and have no idea what I’m talking about … but that rarely happens … right?

Maybe we should just innocently chance it. Just … put our toes in he water and see if it’s alright to jump in.
Always,
D

Late

Sometimes late at night, I sit and think about the “almosts”. The people, situations, oppertunities – that almost came to life, but fell short.

Some of these things ended with good reasoning. Some with heartache. Some that didn’t make sense at all … and a few that still don’t.

I wonder what the “almosts” of 2012 will be. Will I have some “definites”? Either way, I’ve become thankful for the journey… because there’s always room for the “almosts” to become “the only thing that was”.

…And there’s nothing better in finding those little spaces in time when anything seems possible.
2012 … a year of many, many new things.

Shut the front door.

In the midst of writing another big article for Nylon, I pause for a little brain-clearing over here.

I’m aware, I’ve neglected this blog for a while. I’m busy, happy, finally experiencing some success in my professional life. The blur in the every day dulls my writing desire down to almost nothing … and I do hope to change that.

I hope you all are well.  As I approach 20,000 on my daily hit counter (see right), I feel increasingly lucky that I have people out there to share this journey with. This has been my motivation, my safety net, my diary, and my drawing board. The best friend I’ve ever had.

Here’s to another 2 years. And 2 more after that. Wishing you all an unsurpassable amount of love this holiday season.

-Dani

It takes more time than I’ve ever had, drains the life from me, makes me want to forget.

As young as I was, I felt older back then. More disciplined, stronger, and certain.

But I was scared to death of eternity, I was saved by grace … but destroyed by naivety

…and I lied to myself and said it was for the best.
And now faith is replaced with a logic, so cold. I’ve disregarded what I was.

Now I’m older and I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand.

And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink to much and don’t believe in much of anything.

And I lie to myself and say it’s for the best.
We’re moving forward, but holding ourselves back … and we’re waiting on something that will never come.

For all the women who keep posting that ambiguous, gender biased, self-empowerment article:

This is an excerpt from Rob Lowe’s book. This is what you should be looking for, not some vapid list of dos and don’ts.

“And in the most surprising fact of my life, the one that at one point I thought I was incapable of feeling and unworthy of achieving, I am still in love with my wife. After almost 20 years of marriage, I look at her face and see her radiant light. I hold her and feel our hard-earned and sometimes difficult history passing between us, enveloping us in an aura of comfort, gratitude and profound attraction. If you’d asked me when I was a young punk what would have been the best thing that could have come my way, I would have said a movie with Martin Scorsese. But God had other plans. He gave me Sheryl.”

Choices, Fear. Prose about life. Feeling “Grey”.

I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo?

Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons.

We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

But oh, the pain it can bring.

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, and hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside.

Most of the time, pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through … because the truth is, you can’t outrun it, and life always makes more.

Even now, in a remissive state, I believe for the most part, love is about choices. It’s about putting down the poison and the dagger (R & J reference) and making your own happy ending, most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions … fate wins anyway.

Custom Bling

So a while ago, a customer of a custom jewelry brand I have worked for had a ring made. Come to find out, they were a jewelry store and promptly stuck it on E-bay without it being worn or used.

Most people would be kind of peeved (they didn’t even mention that we made/designed it), but I’m proud. You see, I designed this piece. The customer sent in a rough sketch, but it didn’t look anything like what is pictured on the left. I changed out the center stone, and added the “swirl” that you see around it (before the swirl started at the edge of the stones). I thought “if I had this ring, what would I want it to look like”? When they received it, they wrote a two page letter about how much they loved it.

Seeing it under lighting and in new pictures made me smile. I feel … accomplished. It is for sure a dream ring, and I hope whoever gets it really enjoys it like I do. So beautiful.

It has inspired me to do more rough designing with my jeweler friends. I’m the only one who has worked extensively with Moissanite, and I know how to really make it stand out. As the great Versace once said … “If you can design it, you can sell it”.

Time to make some money.

Dani

The Wait

Late Night Epiphany: You can’t be angry, frustrated, or sad about  waiting on someone if they never asked you to in the first place.

Even if you know that it would be worth it… You do yourself a huge disservice by patiently putting yourself on the back burner.

By doing this, you’re subconciously rejecting someone out there who would never allow you to wait. In fact, there’s someone out there who wouldn’t fall behind in the first place … And they’d be sure to bring you back to pace if you ever slowed down.

In relationships, not being asked to stay is just an easier way of saying they’re complacent about you leaving.

-Dani